Aaliyah's POV

"Are you ready to leave Bhabijaan?" I peeked a little with a smile on my lips. As Bhaijaan has strictly limited Bhabijaan's activities, she doesn't attend the inner court as often as she used to.

But I think she has scolded Bhaijaan recently, because she is again doing works she used to do, just in a smaller quantity.

"Just the vermillion." She smiled at me. Bhabijaam was pretty, no way more than just pretty. Her beauty outshined every woman in the palace, including mine. With her fiery spirit and outstanding beauty, she deserved to be in the position she is in.

Despite her initial days of struggles, she has proven herself to be the most deserving. We began to walk through the corridors, our maids just behind us.  

"How are you doing today nand-ji?" She asked, making my heart melt. I didn't exaggerate, I meant every word. She has indeed become a mother figure to me. Taking care of me as if I am her own sister. I wonder if I would be any different if I received this kind of love from the very beginning. I again unconsciously rubbed my scars inside my wrist.

"Just as I always do." I smiled softly.

"Are you now?" She raised her eyes. "You know I always had this feeling of uneasiness because I had been keeping something to myself. It was like I was constantly being pressed down by a really heavy weight. Sometimes I even felt that it was hard to breathe because of constant lying. I was afraid once I said it out loud no one would believe me and would mock my words. But I forgot there's always a person who believes you more than you do. For me it was your Bhaijaan."

"Bhaijaan?" I stopped in my tracks. I don't even know what she was talking about but she sounded so genuine.

"Mhm. I forgot if everyone wouldn't believe me then I didn't need everyone. I just needed to convince that one person I need, I love. And it was so easy Aaliyah. Telling him was easier than hiding it from him. I never felt more relieved than I did in that specific moment." She caressed my cheeks with a foreign affection.

"What did you hide Bhabijaan?" I asked her with curiosity.

Is she correct then? Should I have just told him? He would have understood me too, wouldn't he? Have I just made the biggest mistake?

"There was something. But if sharing helped me then it would help you too." She patted my face gently. At her soft touch all my facade began to rip off. It's really too late now. I should have just told Bhaijaan. Maybe I am not the smart princess everyone expects me to be.

"I-I don't think I have that one person." My eyes teared up.

"Silly girl! How could I even think so? Of course you have. Your Bhaijaan would break the sultanate for you and build it anew. And if you think you can't bring yourself to tell him then I am always here."

She is right, Bhaijaan might get angry but she won't! And why didn't I think of this before. Even if Bhaijaan gets angry, if I have Bhabijaan, I can easily pacify him. He will never get mad at Bhabijaan. 

"I said yes." I finally said letting out a sob.

"Yes to?"

"To the marriage proposal.To the marriage proposal Bhaijaan bought for me."

"Didn't you want to? If not it's not too late is it now? You can just say no." Well I was planning to but it's too late now. What did I even think I was going to do! I am just all talk, no work.

"He should have already sent the formal letter of acceptance and visitation to their sultanate."

"But-"

"You said you would help me right? Help me then." I reached for her hands, clenching them in mine with a feeling of desperation and defeat. She might be the only way out now.

"Of course Aaliyah.What do you want help with?"

"Help me get my peace. Achieve what I wanted for years. The one thing that I ever wanted but never got." I broke down completely. I didn't care about the attendees watching, I didn't care about them gossiping. I was tired of living a life I didn't want. Either I end it or I change it.

First one will never be an option so it has to be the second one.

"Oh god. I will. It's going to be okay. Don't worry." She cooed softly as I put my face in her chest and cried for what seemed like hours.

"So in conclusion you love Amir bhai-sa?" She looked at me with worried eyes as I cowered on the couch of her chamber, afraid she will shout at me any time now.

I nodded quietly, waiting for her to say anything or to spare me any reaction. But she looked perplexed.

"Oh Aaliyah, what have you done! If you truly love him this much then why did you say yes to your Bhaijaan!"

"I didn't want to. Trust me! I memorized each and everything over and over again I wanted to say to him once he brought up this topic. But-But once that moment did come, I got all scared and cowardly."

"Ese kaise chalega nand-ji? Prem kiya hain toh sahas to rakhna hi padega." She smiled softly.

( How will it work then Aaliyah? You have to be courageous if you are to love.)

I looked at her with uneasiness. She is right, I know. But it hurts so much to be the only one in love, to be the only one fighting for both of us. To know, everything I do might not even end up with him reciprocating.

"Amir bhai-sa ko suchna hai is vishay ka?" I looked at her nodding again.

(Is Amir aware of all these?)

"Toh phir unka kya uttar tha aap ke swikarokti ka?" Her curiosity piqued.

( And what was his answer to your confession?)

"Unhone toh saaf inkar kar diya." I said, making her eyes widen. She is pregnant and I think I am stressing her more than necessary.

( He rejected me directly.)

"Hey bhagwan Aaliyah! Artharth ke humare nikat Amir bhai-sa ka bhi sangat nahi hai. Toh abhi aap kya karna chahti hain? Sambandh ke liya toh aap ne hami bhar di."

( Oh God Aaliya! This means we don't have Amir's company with us too. Then what do you want to do now? You already said yes to the proposal.)

I looked at her for a bit before looking down. She is right. I need to come up with a plan. With a proper, executive plan. Where I am sure it will work.

"You don't have a plan do you?"

"I don't. Yet." I quickly added in embarrassment. Suddenly Deewan Saheb's words echoed in my mind. He is known to be the nicest and kindest prince. Nicest and kindest huh?

And as far as I know, Deewan Saheb will never agree to marry me unless...unless there was something that made him do it. Something grave, something...something scandalous.

"Aaliyah! What are you thinking?" Bhabijaan snapped me out of my trance.

"Agar Shehzade Yasir ka madad le toh?" I sat straight now.

( What if we took Prince Yasir's help?)

Help was the furthest word than the actual thing I was thinking of doing. It was blurring between the edge of manipulation and decisiveness. I will technically be deceiving everyone except Bhabijaan. But right now I don't see any other way out. Maybe there is but my eyes are too blind to find one.

"Artharth?" She raised her brows in curiosity

( What do you mean?)

"Matlab hum aap ko kuch der mein samjhata hai. Filhal humein izazat de." I stood up, making her stand abruptly too.

( I will tell you the meaning in a while. Give me permission to leave now.)

"Leave? But at least tell me what you are planning, Aaliyah! Tell me you aren't thinking anything foolish please!" She grabbed my arm.

Maybe I am after all.

"I don't want to tell you anything unless I know for sure. Just give me some time, yes? I promise you will be the first person to know." Probably the only one too.

I walked out instantly, Humayra stepping behind me. "I apologize for the intrusiveness but you were crying a lot earlier, Baji. Is everything okay?"

It never was and I don't know when it will be either. "It is but make sure no one talks about it around the palace okay?"

"I already did." A breath of relief escaped my lips. She doesn't know but at times like this, I am beyond grateful to have someone like her by me all the time. 

"You remember that girl? The one who helped the head ladies emblaze the accounts?" I turned back to look at her.

"That girl? She isn't here right now. She went back to her family." Her small eyes widened in confusion. I am sorry that I can't tell you anything, Humayra. For this one, you have to be oblivious.

"She did? I need you to do something for me. And discreetly. I know you have connections all around and palace, and this time I need you to use them for me. Will you?" I fell on my bed with a thud reaching upon my chamber. My veil is far long gone.

"Why are you asking Baji? You order me, not request or ask. I will do whatever I can in my capacity. What is it that you need?"

"Bring that girl back, tell her that I have summoned her to meet me privately. Don't tell anyone else except for the people who have to know. And of course inform them to handle the whole thing discreetly too." I watched her nod as she left me alone with me and my thoughts.

I have heard tales, some of them I even remember distantly. Tale of people going crazy for their, dying for their love. What I am about to do is of course nowhere near that craziness. But is that really true? I was about to put my honor and stake in risk for my love and as a princess wasn't that the most important thing I was supposed to protect? To cherish?

"Shehzadi Sahiba, Thaani Begum ne aapko yaad kiya hain." Rubina said from the outside of my bedchamber.

( Princess, Thaani Begum has called for you.)

Ya Allah! Not Again. I knew this was coming but not this soon please. I nodded nevertheless, getting up from the bed, putting on both my veil and my smile on me before exiting my chamber.

"Sit." She pointed at the floor, beneath her feet. I straightened up my gharara before sitting down.

"Chalo tumhari chaploosi kuch toh kam aayi hai. Akhirkar tumhari nikah hone wali hai aur woh bhi humne jaisa socha tha, waise hi." She said, crossing her legs.

( At least your flattery brought some good things. At last your marriage has been fixed and that too exactly like the place that I have been thinking.)

I looked down. I need to try my best to not anger her right now. I was to be wedded soon and I don't want any new scars on my body right now. The old ones aren't fading as it is. And with whatever I am about to do right now, I can't have her on my back at this moment.

"Khabardar jo esa kuch bhi kiya jiski wajah se unse talluq biagd jaye, samaj aayi? Waise bhi sara sara din yaha waha awaragardi karti phirti ho. Malum nehi hota Shehzadi ho ki mulazim. Saleeqa aur farmabaddari kya hoti hai toh jaise bhool hi gayi ho. Woh toh yahi bolonge ke humne tumhe koi achi tarbiyat de ke nahi bheja. Ilzam toh musalsal ma ko lagti hai"

( Don't you dare do something that can ruin our relationship with them, understood? And however you loaf around the whole palace here and there. One can't even know whether you are a princess or a servant. It's as if you have what forgotten manners and obedience are. They will only say that we didn't give you any good upbringing. The blame is always put on the mothers anyways.)

My thoughts stopped. She will be blamed for my upbringing? She would be the last person who would be blamed for anything related to me. She never even held me properly, let me teach me anything. I scoffed internally as she put herself at such a high position in my life.

"Are you even hearing what I am saying?" She lifted my chin with her finger making me flinch as I looked into her sharp eyes. Even in her late forties, my mother looked every bit of evil and calculating as she did when I was a child. They say the effect of black magic hardly ever fades. Maybe it's that too.

They say a mother is supposed to be the safest place for her child. Wasn't that supposed to apply to me too? Wasn't she supposed to be someone I sought my comfort from, held her and cried till my heart was out there? Then why did seeing her every time taunt me so much? Why did I have to be the one different from any other child?

"Hum samaj gaye." I bit my lips, so hard that it threatened to bleed.

( I understand. )

"Good." She jerked my face away abruptly. "Now that is out of the way, here is something you should know and take notice of. I have heard that Prince Yasir is to inherit the throne which will naturally make you a queen."

What is she trying to say? I don't like where she is going with this conversation.

"Take advantage of him. Manipulate him, woo him, do whatever it takes you. Make sure he understands nothing but you." My eyes widened in shock. What is wrong with her!

"W-what do you mean?"

"I can't believe it, I have to explain this to such a big girl. Fine, I will do this favor to you for this one time. Make him obsessed with you Aaliyah, be that with your body or your words. Reduce his whole existence to yours and yours only. So that he only listens to you, takes your advice, even permission for political and personal matters."

"Why would I do that?" Even the thought disgusts me to the core. Just how much more sickening can my mother get!

"Because I said so?" She stood up finally kneeling to face me. "All your life, you have been very useless my dear daughter. It is finally your time to prove yourself. To both me and your brother. And for that you need to use your marriage and your husband. Your stupid brother got lost in the way because of that witch but I cannot let you do the same, can I? You need to make sure that me and your brother are called to stay with your in-laws. And get your brother a high position in there, maybe a minister. I don't trust Sultan, Allah knows he might be planning to throw us out at this very moment."

Why do you think everyone is like you? Throw you out? He has been tolerating you for years now just because of me. Because I would be deprived of motherly affection, he thinks. But how do I tell him there is no affection to deprive me from at all! He thinks I am unaware but I just pretend to be.

I wanted to say no, scream or even shout at her. But the scars on my wrist burned as a reminder of what my rejection can make her do.

"Ji ammi." A victorious smile spread on her lips. "Obedience looks so good on my daughter." Her sudden words of approval made me flutter. She rarely compliments me and even if she does it's always like this.

But I am sorry or not so sorry because your dreams are never going to come true.