Rashid's POV

I am certain I have been bewitched. If not that then nothing explains my behavior and demeanor now. This is not obsession anymore. I am way past that stage. It has turned into craving, attraction, affection, commitment, trust, protectiveness and...and many more.

And I don't hate it. Rather I pine for it, long for it....it, whatever this feeling is. I want her trust, love, affection, smile all for me. Me only. I want her all to myself. Sounds so selfish and immature I know. I am bewildered at myself. But it is what it is. And if anything I know from my experience then I know the fire is burning from both sides. 

"Do you think it was a wise decision?" Amir said from my side.

I looked away from the papers in my hand, confused what he is talking about.

"What are you talking about?"

" Shehzade Kahir. Aap ko lagta hain ye faisla sahi tha?"
(Prince Kahir. Do you think it was a right decision?)

What is up with everyone? First begum now him. Do they not trust my instincts?

"Kyun? Tumko lagta hain humne galat faisla liya hain?"
( Why? You think I made a wrong decision?)

"Gustakhi maaf karein Rashid. Par Kahir aapne rahaish,aapne ahal o ayal se bohot din taak dur the. Woh aapne wajod mein nehi the aur..."
( Please forgive my imprudence Rashid. But Kahir was away from his home,from his family for a very long time. He wasn't himself and..)

"Aur?" My voice was sharper already not liking this conversation.
( And?)

"Aur woh aapko marna chahte the. Dusre raja ke sath milke unhone aapko dhoka diya hain Rashid. Ye aap kaise bhul gaye?"
( And he wanted to kill you. He conspired with other king and betrayed you Rashid. How can you overlook this?)

I sighed deeply putting the papers away. I knew I had to face these questions someday.But it still didn't make it easier for me to answer.

"Because he is family Amir. And-And you know he didn't do all these on his own account."

"That doesn't make him less guilty Rashid!" He defended.

"I know." I ran my hands through my face,resting my face on my palms.

"His mother...she-she has influenced him ever since he has learned to talk. Somehow she still influences him. He was manipulated by her for a short amount of time only. She thinks her miseries would have been a lot less if I wasn't here. She thinks Kahir would've made a better Sultan. And she chose a path which isn't..isn't something we can fight with." I said softly.

"And you still didn't punish her. You should've ousted her the moment you found out about it."

I should've. He is right. But I was worried. 

"It would've angered her more. It could've backfired on us. I didn't wanted that. It's better if she stays her, within my territory where I can keep tap on her. I can control her here but outside I can't. And I get enough updates from her maid,Rubina. She is trained well don't worry."

"Then why don't you just kill her?" 

My breath hitched. Kill her? I looked at him perplexed.

"I can't. I-I can't Amir. She is the mother of Aaliyah and Kahir. I can't ruin their lives. I can't just make them motherless. I can't live with that guilt. I can't be the person who makes them orphaned. I adore them as much as I adore Saad." My voice trembles in helplessness.

How weird is that? I am suppose to be the most powerful person in this empire yet no one is more feeble than me right now, in this situation. 

"Allah aapko sehen karne ki sabr de Rashid. Humein pata hain Allah malik aapke liye sab behtar karenge. Woh apne bando ko kabhi nakhush nehi karte hai"
( May Allah give you the patience you need Rashid. I know Allah will make everything better for you. He never disappoints his followers.)

"Ameen." 

I don't know what I can do. I can't end this misery of mine nor I can put up with it. Maybe it makes me look weak. And I hate it. I hate to be portrayed as someone who is weak. I can pretend strong all I want but at the end of day I am still that weak boy who had to handle a throne and an empire what I was supposed to play with my fellow mates. I am still that weak boy who craves for his mother's love when she won't even look at him. And I am still that weak boy who can't get this situation in his hands because he is tied back.

I look back at the papers scattered around on my desk,just like my life.I want a break,from all this. I don't like doing these. This all has made me a person who I have come to dislike.

"Where is Saad? Why isn't he still here? When will he grow out of his boyish natures?" My voice rumbled with disappointment.

"Aapne yaad kiya aur hum aa gaye bhaijaan." He grinned at me.
( You missed me and I came bhaijjan.)

I glared at him. The audacity to come late and then grin like this.

"Aap kab sikhenge Saad! Der se hajri dena buri baat hoti hain! Aur the kaha aap itni der!"
( When will you learn Saad! It's not good to come late! And where were you till now!)

"Hum to aapko chachajaan banake ki taiyaari kar rahe the. Socha aapko thodi khushi baksh de." 
( I was making preparations to make you an uncle. I thought I should give you some happiness.)

"Kya?" I grumbled in annoyance.
( What?)

"I was only joking. Relax bhaijaan. I went to meet Kahir bhaijaan and Ainaz bhabijaan. Why didn't you tell me earlier? And why were they not at the celebration?"

I shook my head in disappointment. He and his jokes. But at the same time I smiled internally. I might be all grumpy at him but his jokes make my mood better. And maybe he does know that despite my attitude.

"Good. I was about to tell you to go meet them but then again you and your big mouth. You would go running around with that big mouth of yours telling everyone they are here,living with us."

He pretended to be offended by my comment as he put his palm on his chest faking an upset expression. He and his drama.

"And same goes for the celebration. If everyone knows he is back it will cause a chaos. Everyone will be disappointed and start going against us. Only few ministers know they are here living with us and it will be kept that way for a while. Until the situation is settled down a bit.They are traitors after all."

"Haah! I am very disappointed and offended bhaijaan! How could you say me and my big mouth! I am more tight lipped than the spies in this palace!"

Amir chuckled from behind. He too thinks that it was an utter nonsense.

"Yeah right! Who was the first person to tell father we broke his jade north-eastern vase?" 

"Bu-"

"Who was the person who told Aaliyah that my marriage date was fixed even before I could inform anyone in the empire?"

He looked at me with defeat all over his face.

"Exactly. Which is why you can't be trusted." I looked back at the papers.

"That's totally a baseless accusation! I can be very much secretive when I want to be! You just haven't given me the opportunity to prove myself!" He huffed.

"Kam kar lijiye janab. Waise bhi der se aaye hai aap."
(Do you work mister. You are late anyways.)

"Haan haan kyun nehi." He pouted and started overlooking the papers.
( Yes yes why not.)

"The news about Raja Vikrant's death has spread like a wildfire. People are still searching for Kahir as he left without informing any of his people. They are angry and furious. They-they might plan to attack us." Saad's voice became all serious leaving the playfulness behind.

"Ya Allah! Don't they ever learn! How many kings are together in this conspiracy?" 

"Since Raja Vikrant is already dead and Sultan Hamza has left all frightened it's just Raja Dev and Balaji. But they are trying to reach all our enemy kingdoms around. They don't want the sultanate anymore well they do but they want revenge too this time. It's going to be hard." He explained.

"You shouldn't have killed Raja Vikrant like that. Only imprisonment for lifetime would have worked just fine. But no you had to be all irrational and kill him in a court full of people! Not to mention Kahir now lives with us! They don't know this yet but when they do..." Amir trailed off, worrisome dripping his voice.

How could I not! All things were fine. Everything was fine. Even my insults were bearable but the moment he took my wife's name from his filthy tongue I couldn't resist anymore. She is the one thing that cannot be harmed in my life. The words he said....my body filled with disgust remembering his words. Even what I did wasn't enough. A slow and painful death would have been better.

But honestly I am a little scared too this time. I am not alone anymore I know. Kahir is now with me and he knows how their brains work so he can help me and Saad and Amir were always my best bet but this time I have someone to protect. I have a weakness that makes me afraid. Afraid of losing. Her.

"Even after what he said? I would have been a laughingstock if I left him like that after that! And how dare he take the queen's name with such disrespect! She is my wife and everyone should know what happens when they disrespect someone so precious to me."

Saad and Amir both looked at me with shock first then smugness.

"Toh aap mante hain woh aapke liye aziz hain?" They said in unison.
( So you admit she is precious to you?)

"Of course she is! She is my wife,the queen of this sultanate." I replied more quickly than I intended to.

"Sure!" Amir said.

"Yeah I am sure that is what it is!" Saad joined in.

"You guys r-"

"Bhaijaan!" Kahir bursted through the room opening the door in a hurry.

"Kahir! Ye kaise ghair mozoon bartav hain! Aap ese achanak kyun aa aaye? Kisine aaga kyun nehi kiya! Bahar kya koyi nehi hain?" I raised my voice displeased.
( Kahir! What kind of inappropriate behaviour is this! Why did you enter so suddenly? Why didn't anyone announce it! Is nobody outside?)

"Bhaijaan it's-I...They were stopping me not letting me enter so I forced myself as I thought you should know about it."

A guard rushed after him just a minute later looking at me nervously and in helplessness. I nodded my head twice at him to say it was okay. He showed curtsy and went outside.

"Kahiye baade miya, kya itni jaruri baat thi jo aapko ese aana padha?"
( Say Kahir,what was so important that you had to come like this?)

"Bha-bhaijaan woh bhabi-bhabijaan..."  He panted as if he had come here running.

My breath stopped for a moment as he talked about her. What happened!I stood up immediately from my chair and went straight to him. 

"What happened Kahir? Why are you breathing like this! Is everything okay? Is begum okay?"

"I s-saw bhabijaan with Badi ammi and ammi. I thought y-"

I didn't let him finish his sentence as I exited the door immediately. Taking long strides I made my way towards the inner harem. My chest filled with tension and unease. How did she reach there! And why was she with them! What-what did they tell her! How is she meeting both of them at the same time!

Sweat was dripping down my face and my steps became more hurried and sloppy. It's all my fault! I should've been more careful! Ya Allah please take care of it! Please don't let anything ominous happen. 

I could feel Saad, Amir and Kahir following me from behind with matched hurried step with me. 

As soon as I reached there saw all three of them standing there immersed in some conversation. What do they have to converse about! Begum was slightly angered while mother looked upset. Thaani begum...she stood there watching them with her same as always calculating eyes.

Both irritation and anxiety filled through my entire body as I looked at them.

Begum's handmaidens and Bisma was standing there in the corner,brows croaked in fear as they stared at the three of them but it was soon replaced with relief as soon as they saw me. Wait. Bisma? Why is she here?

"What is happening here?" My tone was authoritative but still a little shaky as I couldn't get rid of the worry.

Yaksha flinched hearing my voice as she turned to look at me and the two other women, my mothers apparently became alarmed.

Good. They should.

Yaksha's eye widened as she saw me standing there. She stood there looking at me like she was unable how to speak.

"I asked what is happening here?" My voice deepened more than before as I walked towards them standing right beside Yaksha. Her body tensed as she succumbed to my side. And as always my own mother decided to ignore my presence. My chest swelled for a moment but I recovered quickly from it as always. It's okay,I am used to it, I gave myself a reminder internally.

"Assalamualaikum ammijaan." I still paid my respect.

"Walaikum assalam Rashid." Her answer short. As always. 

"What an honor it is to meet you after so long Sultan Rashid. It looks like you forgot you have a mother here." Thaani begum said with her same old cunning voice.

"If only you acted as my mother as you voice it out so proudly Thaani begum." I looked at her coldly as I clasped my fingers with Yaksha's s fingers softly yet secretively. I am here now and she has nothing to worry about.

"Twenty-three years and you still haven't learned how to address your mother properly let alone talk to her with respect." The mocking voice from earlier now replaced a raging tone.

That's the kind of woman she is. Cunning, changes herself in an instant, void of any sense of emotion except for her son. Not even to Aaliyah she talked with affection once.

"Let me clarify one thing here, the one person who made us connected to each other is now longer between us. I don't have the responsibility to show you any kind of respect anymore let alone motherly respect. You are standing here just because of Kahir and Aaliyah.

But that too won't happen anymore if you were to let your foul eyes wander on my family, my wife. If you were to do anything anymore especially with my wife it won't just end with you getting locked up in the harem anymore." 

I could feel Yaksha and my mother's surprised gaze on me. It's been too long I could draw a reaction out of my mother. 

"The conversation ends here. Hope you know what not to do."

I tugged on Yaksha's wrist pulling her away from them as we started walking back towards our chamber. I dragged her and she let me,all voluntarily. I made sure not to let my anger take over me so I don't hold her wrists too tightly.
What the hell was she even doing here! It is so far away from our chamber! 

"Don't challenge me Rashid." Thaani begum said raging in anger.

I stopped.

I looked back through my shoulder, turning my head just a little.

"You are mistaken if you think this is a challenge. It was a warning this time Thaani begum. Better not anger me if you like your position and comfort." I voice with assertiveness as I started walking again.

Her handmaidens were following us behind as we slowly disappeared from everyone's sight slowly.

"We have some serious discussion to do begum." I heard her gulping she tried to match my pace.

As soon as we entered the chamber of our room I left her hand and turned around to see her handmaidens were still following us. Ugh can't they just leave us alone!

"Taakhliya !" 
(Privacy) I said in a loud tone as they started scurrying away one by one. 

Shouldn't have just followed in the first place. But then it's their duty. I turned around to see Yaksha standing in the corner of the bed, looking down as if she was scared of me. Wait what? Why is she scared? I didn't even say anything to her.

"Begum?" She rose her eyes up to my face now looking at me.

"What happened? Why did you went there? No how did you end up there? That is the furthest place from our chamber. And I clearly remember I forbid you to meet my mother without my company and my step mother was out of the question!"

I started off clamly but as soon as my senses told me that she met that cunning woman my voice turned a little harsh. I saw her flinching at the last part of the sentence. Shit. Shit. Shit. 

Fucking hell why can't you control your goddamn anger you stupid man. It is completely your fault that she went there! 

You should've taken care of her. She is new of course she barely knows the palace. You should've tightened the security more so she didn't end up there.

I walked closer to her as looked up to me. She tried to show she was normal but I couldn't miss the slightest fear spreading in her eyes.

I softly held her face with my thumb and index finger as my thumb rubbed her jaw ever so slightly.

"Allah kasam hum aapse khafa nehi hain. Hum bas janna chahte hain aap waha kyun gaye? Akhir aapko kya kaam padh gaya waha begum?"

( I swear to god I am not angry with you. I just want to know why you went there? What work did you have there begum?)
If she knew me even if a little she would smell the desperation in my voice.

It's right. I am desperate. Because when I heard she was near that woman, my heart stopped for some seconds. The image of that woman trying to hurt my wife, blurred my image. I was worried. I was terrified. I was desperate! To see her safe and sound. 

"Aap krodit nehi hain humse?" 
( You aren't angry with me?)
Her voice was laced with confusion. Her confusion made me confused too.

"No. Why would I be angry with you? I simply want to know why you were there? Don't you trust me? I forbid you to be there because there was a reason of course my little wife."
I continued rubbing her jaw as her tension and fear went away. She melted in my touch, making me melt too. 

"This is how you should be with me, begum. Always. I am the last person you should be scared off. As long as I am breathing I will make sure there isn't even a scratch on your body." I placed a chaste kiss on her forehead.

"I-I am sorry. I know I shouldn't have been there but I swear I wasn't there I was trying to disobey you. It wasn't intentional. I promise." 

It wasn't intentional?