Aaliyah's POV
(Mention of Physical Abuse)

I saw him. I saw him very transparently looking at me. Being a princess, everything around you makes you cautious, alert even. And a male gaze? How could I not feel his gaze flaring upon me.

I am curious, giddy even. Thinking he was looking at me for more than mere few moments with a thought dancing in his mind. I want to know what he thought? Did he think I was looking pretty? Did he like that I was wearing his favorite color? Or maybe he is finally realizing his feelings for me? 

Something in his gaze settled my insides, making me feel all fuzzy and warm. Knowing I wasn't the only one stealing gazes between us made me so happy. I tried so hard to not make an eye contact with him. To not look at him and whisper how much I love him and have always been only loving him. 

Time is short and I am running out of it. I want to let him know my true feelings, all my thoughts. Which all contented only him and him. 

But I was a woman after all, on top of that a princess. It wouldn't be so honorable for me to go and confess to him. I am to be married I know, soon. And that's why honorable or not I couldn't stole any more time. 

"Y-you did it." He held the paper in his hand with a look that screamed he couldn't believe it. 

"Of course I did. I told you, whatever I want, I get." You including, Humari Jaan.

The visible shock in his face gave away everything he was feeling right now. I wasn't as oblivious as I pretended to be. He was thinking how I did it, how I managed to score perfectly on a test. He thought I was naive, silly or even dim-witted. I was but only in front of people. A princess needs to keep up her facade. Showcase her prim and properness so others would underestimate me. 

That's exact what I want them to think, or him to think. So when time arises I strike them with the most unexpected way. 

"Yeah I guess. You did well, very well actually. Normally it would take days for people to get to this level from the one you started from." He looked at the me and back to the paper.

Something about him praising me so profoundly, after so long made my insides swirl with a heat. A heat, I never felt before, the one that makes you melt into a puddle. 

"Well since you have done exceptionally well, our sessions ends here."

Wait what? I didn't think about that, like at all. Maybe he does think right about me. I am indeed dim witted! 

"We-we are done? Just like that?" I stepped a little forward as if to stop him from leaving.

He folded the paper in his hands, putting it right on his table."Umm..yeah? Did you want more?" 

Oh you have no idea, how much more I want. 

"Shehzadi Sahiba, dakhalat ke liye maafi chahte hain lekin Thaani Begum ne aapka deedar farmaya hain." An attendee voiced out  from outside the study chamber making both me and Deewan Sahab alert. 

(Princess, I apologize for the interruption but Thaani Begum wants your presence.) 

The sudden call for me seemed to make him more alert that it did me. As if he was afraid to be seen with me, to actually be with me. I don't know if acknowledging the fact made me more hurt or curious. 

"Unhe ittala kar diziye hum abhi mashruf hain, h-" 

(Inform her that I am busy right now, I-)

"Aapko jana chahiye Shezadi Sahiba." He said taking a step back, giving me space to leave.

(You should go, princess)

I furrowed my brows in confusion but made no further attempts to make a conversation. Giving him one last glance, I walked out of the room. One more try that went to waste. Now that I have supposedly aced this test there was actually no reason for us to keep meeting. Do I have to go back to my way? Steal glances and conversations with him every single time?

"What does she want?" I fixed the veil on my head as Rubina followed me behind with her timid steps. My tone came out harsher than I intended to. I didn't mean to its just the mention of my mother makes me agitated than I would like myself to be.

"I am afraid I am not aware of the reason." She said even more timidly. 

Every time she called for me or wished to see it feel ominous and unwanted. She only calls me when she needs to which is unsurprisingly once in a while. I stopped abruptly making Rubina clashing with my back. 

"Is anything wrong Shehzadi Sahiba?" She looked down at her feet. 

Yes everything.

"No, it's nothing." I shook my head. "Also next time don't call me Shehzadi Sahiba. Just call me baji like Humayra does. Is that clear?"

"Ji Sh- I mean baji." She nodded quickly.

I sighed as I came to a stop in front of my mother's chamber. The surroundings gave off her dark energy just like her soul, like her whole being. 

"Announce my arrival inside." I nodded once at the guard standing outside. He went inside and came back again ushering me to go.

Before I could even step inside of her chamber properly a huge screening noise erupted my ears. I took a step back from the noise that disturbed me to my core. 

"Tumhare bhaijaan pagal ho gaye hain. Nehi sautele bhaijaan." She looked at me dead in the eyes.

(Your brother has gone mad. No your half-brother.)

I took a step forward again stilling myself for whatever that is about to come. Just another day of my mother being obsessed and crazy with my brother or should I rather say brothers. I can't believe I left Deewan Saheb for this stupid ranting she is about to have.

"Aur ab kya kya unhone?" I sighed taking a sit on the couch beside her bed pretending to have interest.

(And what has he done now?)

"Ishq ke appni hosh kho chuke hain. Pure ke pure gulam ban gaye apni begum ki. Humein malum nahi ke is baat pe humein ba-kayda khush hone chachiye ye phir kuch aur." She sat on the bed with a thud.

(He has lost all his conscious in love. He has literally became a slave of his wife. I don't know if I should be happy about it or something else.)

Well looks like bhaijaan isn't the only one losing consciousness in love. Just the thought of my mother knowing that I loved someone, Deewan Saheb on top of that sent a chill through my whole body. I don't know what I plan to do but telling my mother about it, is definitely not one of them.

"Wait, why would you be happy about it?" The last time my mother was happy about someone else, well I can't remember it. Maybe for Kahir Bhaijaan. I felt a pang of sadness just thinking about it. I can't believe I am getting jealous of my own brother.

"Because my sweet and naive Aaliyah, him being crazy for his wife means him having a weakness. And we can finally manipulate him by using this newfound weakness of his and so on." 

Has she gone crazy? Well she was never normal to began with. 

"Oh Aaliyah, I can visualize it already, my dear Kahir on the throne of Taher. Imagine how magnificent and honorable he would look up there. Owning all the people, making everyone bow to him." She had a wicked grin on her face as if she was seeing the whole thing right in front of her eyes.

"Ammi! Aap esa kuch nehi karegi!" I got up from my seat.

(Mother! You will do no such thing.)

"Accha? Aur hume rokega kaun? Tum? Zyada bakwas mat karo ladki. Aur humein toh bilkul na sikhao kya karna chaihiye aur kya nehi."

(Is that so? And who will stop me? You? Don't talk nonsense. And don't even try to teach me what to do or what not.)

"I-" I tried to talk but she got up from her bed making me stop immediately.

"Khabardar jo tote ki tarah ye sab jake apni bhaijaan ko bataya toh. Hume is tote ki pankh katna aur dabochna acchi tarah se aate hain? Samajh aayi?"

(Don't even think about uttering all these to your brother like a parrot. I very well know how to cut and seize the wings of this parrot. Do you understand?)

I bite the insides of my mouth to stop from any tears or whimpers to escape, so much that I can feel the metallic taste of my blood in my tongue. I can't cry, it will only make her angrier. 

"Jawab do Aaliyah."

(Answer me, Aaliyah)

"J-ji ammi."

"Also have you met your brother yet?"

I took a moment to register but it came to my mind soon. She meant Kahir bhaijaan.

"I haven't." I looked down at my feet.

"Aaliyah?" She held up my chin with her thumb and forefinger. 

"Yes, ammi?" I trembled in her hold. 

"Has it been too long since I last disciplined you? Or you just like it too much when I do it?"

"I-I-"

She sighed jerking my face away from her grasp. 

"Your brother has been here for more than a week now and you little thing couldn't even take some time out to meet him? What do you even do the whole day that you are so busy huh?"

I kept looking down as each and every word of hers pierced right through my heart. My mother is evil, pure evil. But even the most evil woman in the world would care for her daughter. My mother doesn't. She never did.

All she cared for is my brother, my brother and well my brother.

"He even got married! I can't believe he got married without telling us, telling me. Just two years away from home and my son drifted so much away from me? It is surely that girl's fault. Don't you think?" Her voice changed from upset to desperate in a moment. It's like she is bipolar. One moment she is angry and the other she is sad.

"Y-yes." No, I don't think it's Ainaz Bhabijaan's fault. Kahir Bhaijaan isn't a baby boy that someone manipulated him and he was into their trap just like that. Well, except from my mother. But I don't think she would take any answers other than my agreement.

"Exactly. By the way where did you came back from just now? And why do you have ink all over your fingers?" She stepped closer inspecting me from head to toe. 

Oh no, it can't be. She can't know what I have been up-to. My mother is scary but when is she more scary? When I am disobedient. 

"I-i was studying." I wanted to take a step back but my feet won't move. Please.

"Studying? Studying what?" She crossed her arms together.

"I-I wanted to learn advanced math. So I asked Deewan saheb to hel-"

"Asked whom?" Her voice raised slightly.

"D-deewan Saheb."

She chuckled slightly before coming unbearably closer to me. Her fingers snaked its way from my forearms to my wrist as she held it firmly before twisting it forcefully making me yelp in pain. 

Her hold was definitely gonna leave a mark, like the several other ones in my body. But maybe this won't be as lasting as others, I was hoped. 

"I think my daughter has a very weak memory, is it?" Her words rang through my ears as a warning. "You are a princess, Aaliyah, in fact the only princess of Taher Sultanate. How long will it take you to act like a proper girl? A proper one so you can be married off as a queen?" The twist on my wrist increased more, tears that were only gathered in my eyes now escaping furiously. 

It hurts. It hurts so much.

"Stop hanging out lowly people like Amir, am I clear?" the smell of her betel leaf and coconut oil made my head hurt.

He is not lowly! He is anything but lowly! The defiant voice in my mind screamed loudly. 

"Am I clear or not Aal-" Her voice was interrupted by a sudden voice from outside. 

"Baji, Begum Sahiba is calling for you." Humayra's voice stilled my heart in a jiff. My mother's hold on me loosened but quite reluctantly. 

"Go ahead, your dearest bhabijaan is asking for you after all. And remember if anything comes out of your good for nothing mouth, I will make sure you regret it." Finally her familiar smell wrenching stench faded away as she got on her bed again. 

I exited her chamber as soon as my feet allowed me to. Humayra's brows furrowed in confusion as she seemed to take in my hurried steps. Rubina just behind her. 

"Phirse." Humayra's stoic voice broke me out of my trance. 

(Again.) 

"K-kya?" 

(Wh-what?) 

"Unhone aap ke upar phirse hath uthaya." I noticed her gaze at the now reddish scar on my wrist. I quickly pulled my sleeves as if hiding it would make it disappear too. 

(She hit you again.) 

"Why don't you say something to Sultan baji, why are you just tolerating it?" She whisper yelled making sure Rubina didn't hear us as we made our way to bhaijaan's chamber.

I furrowed my brows as if it was taking a toll on me to comprehend her words, it was. Tell everyone that my mother has been physically hurting me since the age of five? The memory of when she first hit me may be distant but the mental hit isn't. I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud. 

Only humayra knew because she is the only one I trust immensely. She is like a sister to me who grew up with me. It's not like I didn't trust others but she just made it extremely easy to share anything and everything. 

Everyone, every one of my personal attendees saw my scars but they never questioned it. They didn't have the authority to. But it is more normal that by now they know what happens every time I go there and come back with a new mark.

"I can't Humayra, I won't." I said masking my expressions with a convincing smile as we came in front of the door of Bhaijaan's chamber. 

After all that is what princess are supposed to do, smile and look pretty.