Aaliyah's POV

Have you ever felt that you are struggling but at least you are struggling with grace? Someone might have. Well congratulations to them because I can't bring myself to feel like that ever or for the past few days.

When I uttered those words, I uttered them in pure urgency. To do something that made sure I didn't let that opportunity slip away from my hands as I did many other times. I rarely got him alone and when I did most of the time I was star struck and he-well he was cold. So when that warmth struck in his eyes I took the first chance I could take.

"You are not doing it right. Please rewrite it." His voice stopped my fingers once again.

And this is what I did! When he did agree to my request after pondering upon it for few moments I didn't even know if I should be cry with joy or distress. I hated a lot of things but doing mathematics topped them all. No, I hate studying all together. I gave up early because I knew I couldn't ace this department so when Bhaijaan said I should learn more than basics I ignored it saying I am just a girl.

Yeah. A dumb girl.

My hand was smeared with ink and anyone else who would have looked at me would say I dipped my hands in it. And if it was my mother, she would say how un-ladylike I looked right now. It's been hours and he isn't letting me go until I do it correctly. Meanwhile dumb me couldn't even understand what he said, not even half of it because I busy was drooling over his looks and deep voice.

You know how people say that aging does something to people? For some people it's worse but for Deewan Saheb it did wonders. Over the years his complexion darkened for being exposed to more sunlight, making his skin more heavenly glowy, tanned. His face now had beard that didn't exist even five years ago, making my fingers itch to rake my hands through them. And how his voice became oh-so deliciously deep. He ages gracefully, for me to drown more.

Even though I didn't fall for him because of his looks that's just cherry on the top.

"Abhi bhi theek nehi kiya aapne Shehzadi Sahiba.Maafi chahte hain lekin humare pas aur waqt nehi hain."

(You still didn't made it correct Shehzadi Sahiba.Please pardon me but I don't have anymore time.)

Why he can't he let me go for something else and not this! Ugh annoying.

According to him he is squeezing me between his schedule between his morning prayers and workout sessions. Oh how kind of him I rolled my eyes internally.

Soon all your days and time will be for me. Only me. Just wait.

"Aaj ke liye bas itna hi. Izazaat chahte hain Shehzadi Sahiba."

(That's it for today. I will take your leave now Shehzadi Sahiba.)

Even though I was dreading this painful session to end I didn't want to end it so soon. Ending this session would the end if my time with him. Again.

All these days the only few words that escaped his mouth was how I am not doing it right, how I should do it again and finally he is taking my leave. Nothing else. Literally!

"Then maybe we should practice some more?" I quickly stand up accidentally slipping the ink pot on my clothes. Oh no! He halted his steps abruptly from the sudden explosion of sound turning back to see what happened. And I wish he didn't.

The unfamiliar emotion of disappointment spreads his face for a spilt second before he masks it. "That's what we have been doing for the last five days Shehzadi Sahiba." He presses on the word five days as if all I did was waste his precious time. "But you don't seem to improve at all. I can't be here all day now can I?"

Ouch.

That hurt.

A lot.

Even if it's the truth. It hurt. Not because it's the truth but because the way he said it. As if I was being ignorant and took all of his time. And because the look of disappointment filled his face and then his voice. I wanted to say something, anything! But no word dared to come out of my throat that would come out as a normal voice. If I tried to say something I know it would come out a failed version of sob.

Failed. Here too.

"I understand. You should go." I force one of those smile upon my lips nodding once.

I don't know if I am upset as he leaves the room with a quick nod and didn't notice how much it bothered me or be happy that he didn't notice this ugly state of mine. I wanted him to console me, just like he did before, when I was hurt or whisper sweet things into my ears when I showed tantrum as a child.

What is it that changed so much. What did I do to deserve so much distance from him. I still smile when I see him and I still am that small little girl who needs protection then what changed? 

I didn't notice when my legs gave up before I sat down and when silent tears broke down my eyes. As I did I quickly wiped them away with the sleeves of my dress since I had ink all over my fingers. Exhaling a long breath I stood up. Maybe something didn't change but needs to changed.

Me.

The fact that I am still a little girl who craves attention and needs protection needs to be changed. And when that happens I will be a lot more mature in his eyes, something more than a princess or the little sister of best friend.

I existed the library but a tall body stopped me in my tracks. I raised my head to look at it only wishing I didn't. He didn't bother me for past few days almost making me forget his existence and boy was I grateful. But here he is. I am not as scared since it's broad daylight and there were guards all over the place. But even breathing in the same air as him caused me irritation.

"What do you want?" I glared.

"Why, you of course! And you know that already." He tried to step closer but I glared once more making him stop.

"I don't have time for your nonsense." I tried to get away but his words stuck me like a thunder.

"Oh but it seems like you do have a lot of time. You thought nobody knows anything? You think you aren't noticeable enough? You are so obvious! Everything is so obvious."

"What are you talking about?" I thought I wasn't scared. I thought wrong. The familiar feeling of fear began to creep up in my head once more.

"You don't think I see how you look at that good for nothing man? How your eyes sparkle like a jewel when he is in your sight? I never thought your standards were so low Aaliyah."

I gulped trying not to show him how nervous he made me, constantly trying not to look down. "My standards were never low. If it were that low then I would have agreed to your proposal a long time ago."

The muscle of his jaw flexes before he steps closer ever so slightly. He smiles so adorably at me betraying the tone of his voice that send shivers through my spine. "You think you are so high and all that? Well you are not and here's what you are going to do. You are going to come around me and talk to your brother about how much you love me and want to marry me. And also try not to spread your legs for that man meanwhile you do all that."

His words made me cringe internally. I know how disgusting and idiotic of a person Arham bhai was, I never knew he would cross the line to this extent. He said the words like a whisper so one would even suspect what or how he is uttering disgusting things.

"I told you how delusional you were. But so much delusional to think this? That's a new record. Congratulations!" My words were filled with mockery and venom. "You think I will do all these? And who knows maybe I will indeed spread my legs for him or maybe already have. Pity that, will never be you." I smiled.

"You will do whatever I say." His voice even lower now. "Because if you don't then I am going to tell your brother about this sweet little affair you have going on. Let's forget about you but what do you think is going to happen to that lowly life?"

I gulped and maybe loud enough for him to hear as his lips stretched in full blown smirk. He thought he was winning, maybe he was for spilt second because my face was stoned in fear. But I was a Mughal princess after all and if there's one thing I have mastered well is to conceal my emotion. In all places, in front of anyone.

"Whose Bhaijaan are to talking about Arham bhai? Have you really forgotten what kind of brother he is? Is he really ever going to believe you over me?" I was saying those words to him but it felt like the words stabbed me instead. I just myself described how much my brother loves me and trusts me and how I was making my way towards shattering every block of that trust.

But I am sure he will undrstand, he always does.

"I-I will find a way. One way or another you will carry my name." His words carried warnings. But I was no coward.

"The only way that will ever happen is when you fall asleep and continue dreaming. But I feel like you will wake up soon. Very soon." I replicated his smile from earlier, swinging my veil to ignore what he had to say more. His words feels like venom, each and every time they disgusts me to the core.

"And yes one more thing, the next time you speak about Deewan Sahab like that, you won't have a mouth to speak at all. I hope you remember this."

Upon reaching my chamber the gasp of Humayra and my other handmaidens made me flinch. I didn't realize what they were being so shocked about until I looked down. Oh right. The ink. The incident.

The disappointment.

That disgusting prick made me forget all about. The distraction wasn't nice but it still was a distraction. Now I am all aware of that burning and churning in my throat.

"Ya Allah baji! Ye kapdo aur hatho ko kya hua hain?Sab siyahi lag ke kharab ho gaya hain!" Hummayra came rushing towards me with that cute little crouch in her brows.

(Oh my god baji! What happened to your clothes and hand? Everything is covered in black from the ink!)

"Kuch nehi hua. Bas thodi se siyahi gir gayi thi galati se." I threw my veil away on the floor.

(Nothing happened. I dropped some ink by mistake.)

"I will bring you a fresh set of clothes and a washing bowl right away." I did what I was supposed to do. Changed out of my dirty clothes and ate my breakfast. But not for once my mind settled down. The same look of what a failure I was, kept flashing through my eyes.

"I think I am going to be in the library for a while. Accompany me but don't make a single noise and disturb me. Do you understand?" I looked at Humayra as she gave a nod of agreement. Honestly I would've never made her come with me, I never do. But I am making that mistake quite a few times now. The thought of Arham bhai caging me in a scheduled area made my throat go all dry and my palms all sweaty. And it made me frustrated, annoyed that in my own house I had to be aware of my surroundings.

It's always us girls, isn't it?

And on top of that my anxiety didn't really help. I thought I had buried that feeling long ago. Until that night, it crawl back throughout my entire body as if it never went away. Like my body was cold and hot at the exact same time. I stopped myself from feeling that way years ago. Got myself used to it so no reaction will ever come out. Like the smile on my lips I often controlled my feelings too.

Apart from that one feeling. Which no matter what I never got over with. Or maybe I didn't tried hard enough. I most definitely think it's the latter one but who cares anyways. I am at the point of no return.

I wasn't going to bring that look on his face again is what I told myself as I entered the library. Books and me have no connection with each other. The last time I entered the library before this impromptu tutoring session is when I was thirteen. While all my brothers already moved to the advanced learning at that age, I only finished my basics and that's where I drew the line.

Never again is what I said I took that breathe of relief. But I guess I have to do it now anyways. After all I had to make someone praise me, tell me how hard I've been working. From noon to sunset I kept practicing till I finally got hold on the equations.

Words that I have been waiting to hear for the past five days will escape his mouth tomorrow.

Finally.