Aaliyah's POV

"You are getting what?!" I sprung out of my bed in a jiff listening to the shocking news that I just received.

"Married baji. I am getting married." My best friend from childhood, my right hand and the only girl I trust among my maids, Humayra said while portraying a shy smile.

I hugged her immediately in excitement.

"When? With whom?" I broke the hug and looked at her with curious eyes as if I was unable to keep my mouth shut.

"Next month. I don't know him properly. It was of course an arranged by my parents."

"I am so so happy for you Humayra! You deserve the world. If this man doesn't love you like he is supposed to bring him to me and I will just hand him over to bhai. I am sure he will chop his manhood off to pieces if I just say so."

I might sound like a spoiled brat right now. Who gets whatever she wants. But that's exactly what I am. A spoiled brat. Spoiled by my all three brothers and now my sister-in-law. Why wouldn't I be! I am the youngest after all. The youngest and only princess of Taher sultanate. And I take pride by it.

Humayra chuckled as she shook her head.

"When will you stop being like this baji? You are at the age of marriage now. You have to be mature and womanly enough for that."

"Accha ji? Aab jab nikah ki baat ho rahi hain toh aap baade ban rahi hain? Humare sath isi baat mein do din pehle aapne sar hilana tha."

( Oh really? Now that the talk of your marriage is going on you are acting like a mature woman? If I had said this exact same thing two days ago you would've nodded your head at it.)

I started tickling her as she busted out in a laughter.

After we both got tired we fell down on the bed and I looked at her. Suddenly a thought crossed my mind.

"Do you love him Humayra?" I asked her I panted from my previous actions.

"Huh? Love him?" She looked at me confusingly.

"Yes! Love him! Like how baade bhaijaan loves bhabijaan. And she loves him back too. Do you love him like that?" Does she love bhaijaan yet? I wasn't sure about that. But I know they are almost there.

"I-I don't know. They started talking about our marriage only a week before and our marriage was finalized yesterday. And I didn't even see him. I don't know if I love him."

"You don't know? Then why did you agree?"

"Because-because love is supposed to come after marriage! I will eventually fall in love with him as days passes. I agreed because he was so polite to abba and I am sure he will treat me with kindness too. He even refused to take any dowry! That explains what a gentleman he is."

"Ahaha kuch bhi. Mohabbat nikah ke baad hoti hain? Esa kuch nehi hota! Hum toh ese nehi karne wale. Hum toh sirf usse hi nikah karenge jisse hum chahte ho. Jo humse mohabbat karta ho aur humin beshumar chahta ho."

( Ahaha as if. Love comes after marriage? There's no such thing like this. I am not going to do it the traditional way. I will only marry the person whom I want. A person who loves me and wants me immensely.)

Aapni kheyali pulao pakana ho gaya ho toh chalna hain?

( If you are done being delusional then should we go?)

"Kheyali pulao? Dekhna yehi kheyali pulao ekdin khane ko dawat milenge tumhe."

(Delusion? Just wait and watch you will get invited to celebrate this delusion of mine one day.)

She blossomed in a full blown laugh while I watched her with a pouty lip. I will tease her the day I get married. To the man I loved. The only man I have ever loved in fact. And will love.

"Where do I have to go anyway!" I shouted a bit annoyed to see her laugh like a maniac.

"Where else? Don't you need to take a bath? You have to offer the morning prayers too."

Oh right. I do.

"Haan haan chalo. Hum apne sapno ke shehzade ke khwaish karenge Allah se aur tumhe ese hasne ki sabak milegi."

(Yes let's go. I will ask my dream man from Allah and teach you a lesson for laughing at me like that.)

"You and your delusions baji. I hope you do find a man like you want though." She said as we started walking towards the bathing chamber.

I rolled my eyes at her first which turned into a grin. I am maybe being delusional. I know. I am supposed to marry like my eldest brother. For the betterment of our sultanate. My marriage is supposed to be a deal, I know that.

But I want a marriage where you feel the sense of calmness as soon as your partner is in your sight. I have seen that. I have seen how bhaijaan and bhabijaan look at each other. Even as an outsider you would know the share the warmest bond with each other. Even though it's only been few days of marriage they have warmed up to each other already.

And I have already found a man like that. Long before I saw what actual love is. No one's aware of that. Not even Humayra.

I sighed in relief as the attendee rubbed my favorite rose scented paste on my shoulder and arms. I love this scent. Ever since I was a little I loved rose. And everything that reminds me of rose. I remember eating rose as a little girl because I thought it looked so tasty.

A grin of amusement spread on my lips as I remembered the incident. I remember how Deewan Sahab rushed towards me in a worried manner as soon as he saw me with that rose in my mouth.

He has been living here ever since he was born. His father the former advisor died at an early age due to some serious illness while his mother lived in a nearby village. Abbujaan kept him because he was intelligent even from an earlier age. While I couldn't understand even a simple equation he solved those of an older kids.

The attendee announced I was done bathing indicating to stand me to help me dry. I did as she said as my long bath came to a rest. Humayra teases me for this habit of mine but I like to have baths longer than usual.

The warm water, the scent of roses, the relaxed feeling of being taken care I love all of it. And that's why my baths are always longer than it is supposed to be. Even if I have to wake up earlier for it I don't comprise my baths.

I wore a fresh outfit and offered my prayers. As I forwarded my hands to make a wish I wished for everything I needed. Which wasn't much. Just the well being of our family and to make the man I love, mine.

The man I love.

Amir Bin Azam.

This has been my prayer for the last two years. And I know my God wouldn't disappoint me. He has always given me what I wanted and even what I didn't want. He wasn't going to be any different now.

"Are you done?" Humayra asked as I folded my prayer mat.

"Yes why?"

"Sultan has asked an audience with you."

"Bhaijaan? Let's go then." I placed the veil on top of my head.

"I think it might be regarding the celebration tonight. Your Chachajaan is coming after all."

I rolled my eyes. He adores me and I respect him but honestly I would prefer if he didn't come at all. He is just going to come and spat nonsense. Not to mention he will bring some specific stupid person with him.

My annoyingness faded away and was replaced by a grin as soon as he came into my sight. The only reason for which I seem to smile and blush for years now. Thousands of butterflies started creating a havoc inside my stomach. Even the mere sight of him has my body ooze with all kinds of weird bubbles. It's been years since I've seen him yet every time feels the same, like a little girl falling in love for the first time.

Every day I dread telling him how I feel or whether he knows or not. I just want to say it out loud but at the same time I fear of rejection, of what he might say if he doesn't feel the same way about me hits me in all sorts of way.

"Deewan Saheb!" I smiled as I approached him.

Sometimes I wonder if he knows how I feel since I make it so obvious. I am sure my eyes twinkles like the brightest star in the sky when I talk to him. And the way I blush while talking to him. I don't know if he didn't notice or if he didn't want to notice. It makes me sad that he doesn't notice me enough to see how excited I am every time to talk to him.

Whatever. I am going to think it's the former because I like to live in that way. In delusion.

The world I create in my head, in my imagination is always better one than the one I am currently living in.

"Shehzadi Sahiba." He said in curt voice while lowering his hands, in which he seemed to held some envelope in.

I shook my head in disappointment, of course internally. Butterflies in my stomach lose their wings almost falling down immediately as if they fell from a high height. And he remains as he always is, so expressionless and serious. There's so much I will have to teach him is what I think.

I have tried telling him not to be so formal but he won't listen to me. So I gave up. Gave up only to gain something superior of course.

"I heard bhaijaan has asked for me. Do you know what it is about?" Again I try to start a conversation like every other time I see him. Even after knowing the conversation will end in the same way every time. Short for him and killing hope for me.

Just one time, one time I hope he would respond in a human way to me. I don't expect him to sit with me and chatter for a long time. But the at least he could be a little interested in what I have to say.

"I am not sure. But I think it is about the celebration tomorrow." It seemed like something was bothering him. I wanted to know. There's so much I want to tell him and in return there's so much I want him to tell me. But for some reason it isn't the same, not anymore.

"Right."

Do you always have to give such short and direct answers! Why can't you talk more adorably to me! I wished to say this words aloud but I didn't just have the courage yet. Yet.p

"So what's happening these days with you? How is your mother doing? Didn't she send you a letter these days?"

We were always close when I was a kid. He took care of me and saved me from the slightest thing that could hurt me. But as I grew older, we drifted apart slowly. I don't know what happened but we rarely talked anymore. And even when I did initiate a conversation he would only respond curtly. Somewhere that did hurt me as I got to realize my love for him but I was stubborn. I really didn't learn to give up.

The action of ignoring became familiar and the warm laughter and conversation we shared became foreign.

In my mind I know they would never become foreign because each and everything he said, I have them itched in my mind as if they were the last words said in this world. They were, in my world. Some might call is uncomfortable obsession but I call it emotions. My raw emotions.

"Nothing particular is happening. Ammi is doing well. Now can I take your leave?" He seemed to hide the envelope behind.

"U-uh yes." I know he does this every time but the words of his refusal strucks me every single time. How could they! I thought I used to it already. My chest tightened with his coldness. While I thought I had gotten used to his demeanor in reality it seemed like I didn't.

Time. You have to give it time Aaliyah. He will come around. He has to.

"Aren't we going? Amir bhabijaan left a long time ago." Humayra broke me off my trance, reminding my miseries once more.

I looked at his  disappearing figure for one last time before starting to walk again. Instantly wiping off the sadness from my face I brought a fake smile on it as I entered bhaijaan's study chamber.

"Assalamualaikum bhaijaan." I smiled at him.

"Walaikum Assalam. I called you in a rush, didn't I?" He patted the chair next to him, signaling me to sit there.

"No you didn't. I was awake anyway for the morning prayer. Is there anything you wanted to say?" I sat next to him.

"Do you know Chachajaan is arriving tonight?"

"I do. The word spreads faster than we realize bhaijaan." I gave him a defeating smile.

"I know. Since he is coming of course there's going to be a celebration. Also today is begum's first time handling her duties as a Malika. I would be really happy if you help her out. She is new to our customs and religion. She doesn't know certain things and not to mention she has lost her memories just recently. I just don't want to burden her. So can you?"

I smiled at him warmly. This is what I was talking about. The bond they share with each other, the way they care for one another even if it's a political marriage, I want this. I want a husband who cares for me like this, not just treat me like some treaty.

"Of course bhaijaan! I would gladly help her with all my knowledge. You don't have to worry about it."

He patted my head as he placed a kiss on my forehead.

"I am so thankful to you Aaliyah. Go have your breakfast first because I know you didn't."

"Ji Bhaijaan."

Even though I never received the love of my father because he died just months after I was born, bhaijaan made sure I never not know what it felt like. He is my half brother in reality but he cared about me more than my own brother did.

Even more than my own mother. Because all she was busy with, was manipulating my brother-my blood related brother and planning the unrealistic demise of bhaijaan. Which she could never do. She should have gotten an idea by now but her denial will be her biggest enemy.

She has always been so busy with Kahir bhaijaan so much that she forgot I even existed. My brother who has been away for two years only returned few days ago. Supposedly and surprisingly with a wife. I don't understand how a man like him married someone and came back home just like that when he refused to come back home even after Ammijaan's several requesting letters. But I guess love changes people even if that person is my brother Kahir.

I couldn't bring myself to meet him and my new Bhabijaan even though it's been a few days since they arrived. To be honest I am ignoring them. I don't know what to say or how to react once I see him. He left me after all. He left me alone to fend myself. He knew my demons, he knew what damage he would do by leaving me here with her. But he still did. He still became a puppet of my mother and left me to plot against the father-like brother who practically raised him.

And when he did, the one person who would mend my wounds won't even look to me. I was left alone, with my own trauma, my fears and my sham of a mother.

Didn't receive father's love, didn't receive mother's love not even my own brother, I wonder if I could be any more unfortunate.

No! What am I even thinking! I shouldn't be ungrateful. Allah has blessed me with such nice brothers. I am more fortunate than those people out there!

But that doesn't make you unfortunateness any less unfortunate Aaliyah, an ugly, wrenching voice in the deep of my mind taunted. But I quickly turned it off for my inner peace. The more I dwell on these the more I am going to curse my fate and I don't want to do it.

"Prepare my breakfast and a lavish outfit for tonight Humayra. We are going to help bhabijaan after I am done with my breakfast. Also did you have your breakfast?" I sat on my bed.

"I am going to, after I serve yours."

"Yes make sure you are having all your meals. After all the would be bride shouldn't be losing any of her weight or glow." I smirked.

"Kuch Bhi!" She blushed and walked away.

(Whatever!)

I wonder how she must be feeling. Is she excited or nervous? Or is she both? How does it feel when you are finally connecting your name with someone else? How does it feel with you love someone and they love you back equally?

The question is will I ever know how it feels like?