Rashid's POV

I have hated myself a few times before. But now I don't just hate myself I want to skin myself alive for making her sad. I had sworn that I would never let her get a scratch let alone make her sad. But I did. I was the reason why she was unhappy and I hate myself for it.

"Bhabijaan se aapko ese baat nehi karni chahiye thi. Woh bhi humare samne. Zara sochiye unko kitna bura laga hoga." Amir said catching up on me as I walked through the corridor to the courtroom.
( You shouldn't have talked to bhabijaan like that. That too in front of me. Just think how much it must've hurt her.)

The disappointment and pain that flashed through her eyes currently blurred my sight. I huffed and ran my hands through my hairs. I know it hurt her. I saw it. And now it's blurring all my other thoughts.

I can't think about this right now. I have something equally important waiting for me at the courtroom and if I don't contain myself I will curse myself for my whole life. 

"Humein pata hain aur hum sharminda bhi hain."
( I know and I am guilty of it.)

"Ye sab choro tum. Ye batao Malwa se Kahir ke sath aur koyi aaya hain kya?"
( Leave all this. Tell me,did anyone else arrived with Kahir from Malwa?)

Kahir, my stepbrother, who was away from this town plotting against me finally arrived after receiving my letter to come here as soon he received it. It was weird at first. Because I thought he wouldn't listen. That's what he does. He doesn't listen to anyone but then why did he come?

I have been too loving with him so he keeps crossing his line every single time. But there's only so much patience I have. I am a human after all. And if someone who I love dearly, who looked at me like I am his world as a child, keeps plotting against me I can only keep myself calm for a so long.

"Aaya nehi aayi hain. Kahir ke sath koyi mohtarma aayi hain. Log keh rahe hain ke usne nikah kar liya hain."

( It's not a he,it's a she. Some lady has com with Kahir. People are gossiping that he got married.)

I stopped abruptly making Amir also stop and hit me. 

"Oww! Why did you stop suddenly?" Amir said rubbing his head.

"Kahir has a wife? He got married? But he didn't send any letters or anything to make us acknowledged! When? With whom? How could he just marry without telling me!"

Guess he still is somewhat like he was when he left.

Even though he has been a jerk lately I still loved him. After father passed away I looked after Saad, Aaliyah and Kahir like a father would care for them. At times I was more father than a brother to them. But after few years of my coronation ceremony Kahir became distant with all of us accept his mother. 

They would be in their room all day long, eat in their chamber, would barely come out not even when there was a celebration. And then Kahir left and started living in the outskirts of the in a small palace father left for him. No contact, no letters nothing. Just attacking behind my back. He came back after 2 years,t he last time I saw him was when he was 25. 

"I don't know anything. I didn't ask anyone anything since I didn't want to add fire to the gossip fuel but I think it's true. I haven't seen her yet. Ever since they arrived she has been staying in Kahir's chamber and Kahir was in Thaani begum's chamber." Amir informed me.

Thaani begum,my step mother, she never liked any of us. Not me,not saad not even her own daughter Aaliyah. She always adored and loved Kahir and would never separate him from herself. But then he left and I still wonder how did she let him leave.

"Deewan-E-Aam khali karwa do. Humere dono aur Kahir ki alava aur koyi nehi hona chahiye. Hum nehi chahte humare niji mamlaat tamasha bane."
( Make the courtroom empty. There should be no one except us two and Kahir in there. I don't want my private matters to be the talk of the town.)

Amir nodded and went ahead in hurry while I took slow steps. I could talk to him even in my own chamber but he still is guilty even though he is my brother, I would have to announce a verdict on him.

My heart clenched with two thoughts. First I would have to serve a judgement after listening upon Kahir. What if he is majorly guilty? I would have to be fair and give him a severe sentence. I don't want to. Not to my own brother. But then again the voice in my mind says there is an explanation...and it's what I think it is.

And second my wife. How am I going to face her? Talk to her? Make her understand what I did wasn't my intention? That my rational side froze when I saw her listening to us. Listening to how I had killed a person. Before her I was never ashamed of ending a life. I am a king! I took pride in it to say the least. But when she I saw her there the first thing I thought was now she wouldn't look at me like the same.

I only had managed to break her wall a little I don't want her to rebuild it again. I only got her in my grasp not just to let her slip away again. I can't. I won't.

But that would be dealt later, right now my stupid brother's stupid crime has to met with an end. I sighed dreading that damn judgment thing. All I wish to do is go back to my chamber and hug my begum and tell how sorry I am.

As soon as I reached the courtroom I saw Amir standing in a corner with Kahir, his back facing me. If I knew less I would say I am nervous, to meet my own brother! But I know better and I blamed that unsettling feeling in my chest on the distance we had been through.

"Kahir." I made my presence known short and emotional.

"Assalamualaikum bhaijaan." He finally turned around facing me and looking me.His face seemed, somewhat guilty. Was I just imagining it?

He looked exhausted but relaxed at the same time. I didn't know if that was possible. But his dark circles seemed prominent, subtle untouched stubble on his now skimpy face and he seemed more aged than he is. But there was a certain glow in his eyes and if I didn't know him I would've missed that slightest glow.

I approached him hoping he would hug me like he always had back then but my distress only grew when he just stood in his place with the same expression as earlier. Voided.

I took a deep breath realizing he wasn't the twenty years old Kahir anymore and he probably hates me. He has reasons too.

"Suna hain nikah karli hain aapne? Hume koyi khat bhi nehi likhi na aaga kiya. Itni dur ho chuke hain kya humse?"
( I heard you got married? You didn't write any letters neither informed me. Did you distant yourself from me so much?)

"Humari nikah aam halat mein nehi huyi thi jo hum aapko aaga kar sake bhaijaan. Humein ho sake to maaf kar dena."
( My marriage didn't took place in normal situation so that I could inform you bhaijaan. If possible please forgive me.)

I sighed deeply. That's it? That's the only thing he had to say after leaving like that? Plotting like that?

"Hum kaun hain aapko maaf karne wale. Aap toh apni marzi ki malik hain. Jo jee main aata hain karte hain. Woh chahe nikah ho ye phir aapni khudki bhai ke khilaf gaddari ho."
( Who am I to forgive you. You are your own person. Whatever you want to do, you do. Might that be marriage or betraying your own brother)

His gaze lowered. Most likely in guilt.

"B-bhaijaan wo-woh Ammi...h-humne koshish kiye thi par unhone-"
( B-bhaijjan th-that Ammi... I-I tried but she-"

"I don't need your clarification baade miya. You are old enough now. You are not a doll that whatever Thaani begum tells you to do, you will." His gaze changed and he finally looked at me like he did before when I called him baade miya. A nickname I gave him when he five and called him that ever since. 

"Tell me something honestly. Were you involved in any other treason or this was the only time? Tell me the truth only." I braced myself for any kind of word his mouth will deliver.

"Just this time. This only time bhaijaan. This will be the last time bhaijaan I swear. I-I made a mistake but I am not proud of it. Since you don't want any clarification and already know the reason I wouldn't tell you more.But I wasn't involved. I mean I was but I did everything I could to....help you." He left a sob.

I know I should make a decision as a ruler, a fair judgement but my heart won't and my brain lost. I breathed in defeat.

"Your wife, do you love her? You said your marriage took place in certain circumstances. But do you love her? Does she have your heart and soul?"

"I do. I don't imagine my life without her bhaijaan. If not she I would be lost. I would be still roaming like a motiveless person.She is the light of my life who showed me my right path." The light came back in his eyes.

I smiled in relief to know that he had someone who had his back.

"Is that why you are glowing baade miya?" I teased.

"Yes." He said without any hesitation grinning like a young child.

My heart warmed seeing the same look on his face as his younger self. The same grin,the same glow. Maybe I could have it all back,my family.

"Good." I paused.
"But you have to bear your punishment Kahir."

He looked at me preparing himself for anything that would be coming his way.

"I will bear any punishment you give me bhaijaan. Just...just don't hurt my wife. She is innocent in all this....it's me...I am your culprit."

"Ghar wapis aa jaye chote miya. Aapni ghar. Aapke begum ko leke aa jaye. Aapne parivar ko aur bichar teh nehi dek sakte hum. Yehi aapko saja hain. Boliye manjoor hain?"
( Come back to home chote miya. Your own home. Come with your wife. I can't see my family tearing apart anymore. This is your punishment. Tell,do you accept?)

"Bhaijaan!" He looked at me in shock and disbelief. He suddenly launched himself to me hugging me tightly,sobbing.

"I don't deserve you bhaijaan. I won't disappoint you I promise."
I patter his back as if assuring I believe him. I do. He might have made some wrong choice but I know he isn't a bad person. Just one chance. I will give him on chance.

"What is your wife's name?"

"Ainaz bhaijaan."

"Come to meet your bhabi with her when you get time okay?" 

"Yes bhaijaan. Even if you didn't say we would've gone."

"Good. Now go."

He left as soon as I dismissed him. It feels good. Like some huge burden was lifted off my shoulders. But I still need to keep him within my eyes. Thaani begum won't just sit and watch.

"Amir, put a spy on Thaani begum. Have her personal maid changed with one of our skilled women spy."

"Noted. Also we have received a letter today."

"What? What letter?"

"Peshwah sultanate se aapke chacha sultan Omar Ali sa-parivar aane wale hain. Kaal taak aa jayenge.Taaiyari ki khabar bheji hain."
( Your uncle sultan Omar Ali from Peshwah sultan is arriving with his whole family. They will be here by tomorrow.He has sent the news from preparation.)

My father's brother who got the a nearby small kingdom when my father died left as soon as he could. He is not the nicest person but he isn't bad to me. Just a little selfish maybe. He even tried to get me married to his middle daughter, Bisma since we were children. But since I was already promised to Yaksha, he couldn't pester much.

I wonder what he is coming here for! I pinched my forehead annoyingly dreading his arrival. What does he want now!

"Ugh just prepare a small celebration in his honor. Just us family members and a feast. Or else he will eat my head saying I don't respect him."

"Understood. Now please go and lift your mood by talking to bhabijaan. You look like you will turn grey soon in tension."

"Is it that obvious?" I chuckled.

"Very." He shook his head in amusement.

"Okay. You will take care of everything right? Call me if you need anything?"

"I will, I will. Now go!" He pushed my back with both his palms.

I smiled at his behavior and made my way to my chamber. I didn't notice the time passing but it is almost noon now. I remembered the situation in which I left the room. We were about to have breakfast. But I ruined everything. 

No. My fear of getting exposed ruined everything. I walked through the corridor trying to think of a way to make it up to her.

Maybe some jewels or gold? Some new perfume? No. She won't have feelings for these things that she already has plenty off. 

I finally reached at the door of my chamber but as I was about to enter the guards looked at me with hesitation. What was that? This never happened. But I passed through nevertheless. It was like they didn't wanted me to enter.

As I entered my nose filled with the scent of my begum, overflowing my own scent that occupied this room for so many years. The scent which has become my most favorite scent in the world. Not even the expensive scents in the world would compare to this. Something with sandalwood, jasmine and many things I can't figure out.

I couldn't find her anywhere in the chamber. Where is she! But then I heard someone groaning softly. It's her. I parted the bed canopy opening them slightly putting one knee in the bed. Indeed my little wife is sleeping.

Her hair opened and messed up, veil putted aside, duvet that was thrown way to her feet displaying her brown skin with jewelry adorning it. I clenched my fist to control myself from touching her skin, caressing like it was meant to be, by me. Only me.

Another small groan left her mouth as the wind blew and a small piece of hair touched her face, resting on her lips, causing to disturb her resting time. I grinned looking at her face which looked so cute like this making me want to pinch her cheeks.

I touched the small piece of hair moving it away from her face but she frowned her face and turned away another side. 

"I told to not let anyone disturb me!" She mumbled annoyed at the disturbance.

I grinned at her reaction. Is that why the guards at the entrance looked so skeptical? 

I put my feet down again and was about to leave a glance at the table stopped me.

What was that? I approached it and lifted up the plates only to see the food was totally untouched. She didn't eat? She slept fucking empty stomach? 

My chest tightened again thinking this was all because of me. As much I love her to see sleep she needs to be awake right now. I would like to see her in full and glowing. She is already as skinny as she can be.

I approached her again and bent down to the side where her face was facing. I lifted my finger to touch her shoulder only to put it down again.

Ya Allah how can I wake up such a beautiful looking face! And not to mention the moment she wakes up her expression will change completely. This adorable and baby face is going to be replaced by a scowl. I put my selfishness aside and finally let my fingers touch her shoulder shaking it a bit to wake her up.

She tsk-ed in annoyance and opened her eyes finally. After blinking several she opened her eyes and indeed a scowl replaced her previous expression. My guilt raised again. 
I thought she wouldn't talk to me but to my utter surprise she did.

"Why did you come back at this time?" She sat up and removed the duvet that was only covering her feet. 

I avoided her question replacing with a question of mine. 

"Why didn't you eat your food?" I tried to show how angry I was but my worry overshadowed my anger.

"Why do you care?" She finally got down the bed and started tying her messy hair up.

"Why do I care?" I repeated her sentence and scoffed.

Why do I care you say? Because I care about you. About everything you do. About everything you wish. About everything you say. But I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud. God knows for what stupid reason.

"I care because you are my wife! I care because you are my responsibility!" I immediately regretted what I said. The words left a bitter taste in my mouth.This wasn't what I wanted to say.

This time it was her who scoffed.

"I am sure that's what I am. A responsibility. Then why don't you just impregnate me and get over with this responsibility."

I flinched at her words. This wasn't what I was trying to say neither this was the response I expected. My blood boiled at both myself and her. How could she say that! What action of mine was a prove to her statement?!

I clasped her wrist and turned her around me. A small breath of air left her mouth in shock before she glared at me. I held it tightly enough to leave a mark but losing the grip to give her an option to break free. She didn't. Of course she didn't.

"Yo-" 

She tried to speak but I immediately interrupted her. She had said enough.

"Weird way to say fuck me begum. Is that what you want? To ravish you? To leave you with no option to crawl back to me every time? To have you beg me at every chance you get?" My tone was ragged and angered.

Her eyes widened in surprise.

I held her cheeks with my other hand. Four fingers on one side and thumb on the other. 

"Tell me is that what you want? Is that what you dream of? To have me inside you? In every way possible?" I pressed more for her answer. 

Was I pushing it too far? Was I finally breaking the boundary I had set when she came? Maybe I was. But my brain was too blurred with rage to comprehend it.

I could see the lines of boundary between us blurring. And it only made me want more. More of her. More of my wife, my possession.

~